I accidentally burped into my bong.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
