ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
