At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
