ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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