Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
