my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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