nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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