Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
