The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
