tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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