There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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