Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
