i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
