Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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