My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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