He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
