Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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