Cold hands, warm shart.
and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The air was thick with penises
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
