god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
