This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize