I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
