i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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