First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize