whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
