Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
