I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
