Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
