Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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