my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
