My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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