The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
