It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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