she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
