Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
