They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
