Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
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Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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