tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
