I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
