i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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