Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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