i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
