sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize