Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
