I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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