i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
where am i from again
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
