just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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