You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
