I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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