every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
