3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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