There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
