btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
