i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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