I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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