I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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