Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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