You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No I am not eating basil off your cock
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
