i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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