We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
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I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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