babies were throwing up all over the place
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
