one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You made out with two different species that night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
