omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
