no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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