People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
