We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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