i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
