16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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