Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
